A little bit of Normal

As I sit here (when I should be sleeping) and I am thinking about who I used to be, before I was sick, before I was married, before I was a teacher.
But most specifically before I was sick. This post is in no way meant to be a pity party. I just got to thinking as most of you know happens a lot. Usually I have to talk about it for hours and explain just how I am feeling.
A friend helped me come to the realization that I am mourning the loss of who I once was. Mourning the ease of what life used to be.. before all the changes and constant alarms reminding me to take pills. Waiting... not knowing what or when a seizure is going to hit, how bad it is going to be.

But after all of that... what I really miss is my memory. I have a hard time remembering even the simple things... case in point my I pod sitting in a bowl of rice. Having forgot it out side on the deck before the torrential rain that soaked it. Finding it today, I mourned for the loss of my memory. I felt silly, I reminded my self that I am human and forgetting is normal. Then I pick up my note book that I call My Memory (catchy I know and original, I was thinking of calling it George but thought Mr. N may get jealous) and I write everything down. Reminders for my reminders.... today I had to sit my students down and explain why I forget to do things, why I have to write down reminders to finish things. Why they may have to ask me more than once to do something. They are quite the understanding little goofers. I am the one that does not seem to be able to be understanding of my self.

So here is the scoop... I am working on being more understanding of myself. Plus getting over my hate for lists... so I did what I always do RESEARCH... Turns out I am not loosing it (any more than usual) the medication that allows me to get back from my couch days to my living life days... also takes my memory with the seizures... Jerk...

But that somehow made me feel better knowing that this was beyond my control.

So here I am not really sure what this whole post is about....
If you are reading this you may be just as lost as I am :)

I guess having read this I now know that the me with the memory is for now gone... my book is now my best friend. And I am going to enjoy being the new me :) Me that is going to enjoy life... and if that means carrying my memory in my pocket will just be for now what it is. My camera will take more pictures (if that is possible).

Because I have a life that I love, a husband I love, a job that I love.
And friends that I love and care deeply for.... and just think of the fun notebooks and day planners I will be able to have (I do have an addiction to stationary) 

I am going to make a list to replace all the things I hate about being sick all of what I have lost. I am replacing that with a list of thankfuls. Starting with #1 I am thankful for the medication that has taken my memory but has given my my life back.

When I started this post all I wanted was a little bit of normal... and I found that I have not changed but my definition of normal has changed...

Until next time enjoy your tomorrow.

First Year of a new House

Being a new home owner I realize that there are things that I have taken for granted in life... Some how in my mind there were things a house always had.... like a shovel and a rake... perhaps a power drill..... You know all those handy things that my dad has just always had... (well always in my knowledge).  Now we seem to have the issue of... "honey we need to do some yard work, you know mow the grass trim the edges... water some things" Then we have to make a trip to the store to pick up some basic lawn care supplies... so an afternoon project becomes a whole day excursion.

Please don't feel that I am complaining... I have budgeted and was ready for these added expenses. But was not ready for the realization of all the wonderful things I have always taken for granted. I have rented so there were many things I just did not need. But now ohhhh my....
So I will say with pride... Mr. N and I now are the proud owners of a battery powered weed whipper... a shovel,  a rake, a lawn mower, and sadly some ant killer....( my deck was crawling with the little guys)

Boy oh boy am I ever glad that we planned for these purchases..

Now for the wonderful parts of owning our own home... it is OURS!! If something breaks we can fix it. If I want to put up pictures I don't have to ask permission....
I have a back yard I can relax in... I have a quiet home (until my dancing starts up again) that I can heal and get better in. A home...

There is nothing like it...
I have yet to have a house warming but Mr N and I are planning it soon.
It is going to be very much fun...

And you can see my shovel and my power drill if you would like :) They are quite nice :) But you have to leave them here... I did not budget for the both of us you know.

Have a wonderful day... I know I will.. I just used my extra strength hay fever meds and weed whipped the edges of my lawn... somehow it is quite fun.

Until next time-- enjoy your tomorrow