A little bit of Normal

As I sit here (when I should be sleeping) and I am thinking about who I used to be, before I was sick, before I was married, before I was a teacher.
But most specifically before I was sick. This post is in no way meant to be a pity party. I just got to thinking as most of you know happens a lot. Usually I have to talk about it for hours and explain just how I am feeling.
A friend helped me come to the realization that I am mourning the loss of who I once was. Mourning the ease of what life used to be.. before all the changes and constant alarms reminding me to take pills. Waiting... not knowing what or when a seizure is going to hit, how bad it is going to be.

But after all of that... what I really miss is my memory. I have a hard time remembering even the simple things... case in point my I pod sitting in a bowl of rice. Having forgot it out side on the deck before the torrential rain that soaked it. Finding it today, I mourned for the loss of my memory. I felt silly, I reminded my self that I am human and forgetting is normal. Then I pick up my note book that I call My Memory (catchy I know and original, I was thinking of calling it George but thought Mr. N may get jealous) and I write everything down. Reminders for my reminders.... today I had to sit my students down and explain why I forget to do things, why I have to write down reminders to finish things. Why they may have to ask me more than once to do something. They are quite the understanding little goofers. I am the one that does not seem to be able to be understanding of my self.

So here is the scoop... I am working on being more understanding of myself. Plus getting over my hate for lists... so I did what I always do RESEARCH... Turns out I am not loosing it (any more than usual) the medication that allows me to get back from my couch days to my living life days... also takes my memory with the seizures... Jerk...

But that somehow made me feel better knowing that this was beyond my control.

So here I am not really sure what this whole post is about....
If you are reading this you may be just as lost as I am :)

I guess having read this I now know that the me with the memory is for now gone... my book is now my best friend. And I am going to enjoy being the new me :) Me that is going to enjoy life... and if that means carrying my memory in my pocket will just be for now what it is. My camera will take more pictures (if that is possible).

Because I have a life that I love, a husband I love, a job that I love.
And friends that I love and care deeply for.... and just think of the fun notebooks and day planners I will be able to have (I do have an addiction to stationary) 

I am going to make a list to replace all the things I hate about being sick all of what I have lost. I am replacing that with a list of thankfuls. Starting with #1 I am thankful for the medication that has taken my memory but has given my my life back.

When I started this post all I wanted was a little bit of normal... and I found that I have not changed but my definition of normal has changed...

Until next time enjoy your tomorrow.